I will wait

Waiting. A topic that is quite prevalent among several young adults that I know. I've heard about waiting, read about waiting, sung about waiting, talked about waiting, prayed about waiting - all the while...waiting.

As I wondered what I could blog about this month, I hesitated to write on this particular subject. For one it's somewhat vulnerable, secondly I've read several solid truths on the matter that I am sure most young Christians who are called to marriage and are seeking to follow the Lord wholeheartedly have already come across. So this is nothing new, not a revolutionary revelation, it's just what the Lord has been teaching me, personally.

I am 29 years old and I've never been in a serious relationship. I came to know the Lord, to really enter into a relationship with Him when I was about 15 years old. Prior to my full conversion of heart, I was very much focused on having to have a boyfriend because everyone else was in that boat. I very much believed my worth was weighed by whether or not I was in a relationship. After encountering Christ, I knew that was a flat out lie. I came to know and believe the truth that my worth is and will always be found in Him. It was during that time of transformation that I told the Lord I did not want to date until He deigned it to be the right time, I even went as far as to ask Him to not let me date until my husband was ready for me and I for him. Well, let's just say God certainly heard that prayer and has been faithful to it. And even though it can be difficult, I can honestly say that I am thankful.

It's not easy but rather wait than settle. I rather wait than date for the sake of dating. I rather wait to receive than grasp for what was never intended to be given to me (we all know what happened with Eve). I will wait. Waiting doesn't mean I am putting my life on hold until my husband comes along. Waiting doesn't mean I will let marriage/family become an idol. Waiting doesn't mean I won't have joy. Waiting doesn't mean my life won't have daily surprises, new lessons to be learned, new miracles to attest to, a deeper understanding of His love, a greater appreciation of His mercy and a greater reliance on His guiding hand. 

As I wait on Him (the Lord), and as I wait for him (my spouse), my heart is actively being cultivated and sown by the hands of the Sower. Fruit is coming forth. Branches are being pruned. Life is budding forth. And when the time is right, when the appointed season (as ordained by His divine wisdom and perfect love) arrives, then the active waiting for my spouse will end. A new chapter will begin, His will be all the glory as I can attest to the brilliance of His penmanship in the book of my life, and another season of waiting will commence. And that too will be good, because He is ALL GOOD and can only give good gifts.

I am aware of the ache in my heart, more than I have ever been. But I am also aware that this ache is part of my life, and it is not meant to dominate it nor suffocate it. It brings me to my knees in prayer, expands my capacity to love, and increases my reliance on the Lord. And all of that is good. I m also aware that just because I am called to wait on Him in this way right now, that does not mean my life is at a halt - not at all. He wakes me up every day, He breathes life into my lungs every few seconds, He makes my heart beat an average of 86,400 beats a day - He is giving me life so that I can LIVE IT. So that is what I want to do - " carpe diem," they say. So yes, I will wait and as I wait, I will seize each and every day.