I will wait

Waiting. A topic that is quite prevalent among several young adults that I know. I've heard about waiting, read about waiting, sung about waiting, talked about waiting, prayed about waiting - all the while...waiting.

As I wondered what I could blog about this month, I hesitated to write on this particular subject. For one it's somewhat vulnerable, secondly I've read several solid truths on the matter that I am sure most young Christians who are called to marriage and are seeking to follow the Lord wholeheartedly have already come across. So this is nothing new, not a revolutionary revelation, it's just what the Lord has been teaching me, personally.

I am 29 years old and I've never been in a serious relationship. I came to know the Lord, to really enter into a relationship with Him when I was about 15 years old. Prior to my full conversion of heart, I was very much focused on having to have a boyfriend because everyone else was in that boat. I very much believed my worth was weighed by whether or not I was in a relationship. After encountering Christ, I knew that was a flat out lie. I came to know and believe the truth that my worth is and will always be found in Him. It was during that time of transformation that I told the Lord I did not want to date until He deigned it to be the right time, I even went as far as to ask Him to not let me date until my husband was ready for me and I for him. Well, let's just say God certainly heard that prayer and has been faithful to it. And even though it can be difficult, I can honestly say that I am thankful.

It's not easy but rather wait than settle. I rather wait than date for the sake of dating. I rather wait to receive than grasp for what was never intended to be given to me (we all know what happened with Eve). I will wait. Waiting doesn't mean I am putting my life on hold until my husband comes along. Waiting doesn't mean I will let marriage/family become an idol. Waiting doesn't mean I won't have joy. Waiting doesn't mean my life won't have daily surprises, new lessons to be learned, new miracles to attest to, a deeper understanding of His love, a greater appreciation of His mercy and a greater reliance on His guiding hand. 

As I wait on Him (the Lord), and as I wait for him (my spouse), my heart is actively being cultivated and sown by the hands of the Sower. Fruit is coming forth. Branches are being pruned. Life is budding forth. And when the time is right, when the appointed season (as ordained by His divine wisdom and perfect love) arrives, then the active waiting for my spouse will end. A new chapter will begin, His will be all the glory as I can attest to the brilliance of His penmanship in the book of my life, and another season of waiting will commence. And that too will be good, because He is ALL GOOD and can only give good gifts.

I am aware of the ache in my heart, more than I have ever been. But I am also aware that this ache is part of my life, and it is not meant to dominate it nor suffocate it. It brings me to my knees in prayer, expands my capacity to love, and increases my reliance on the Lord. And all of that is good. I m also aware that just because I am called to wait on Him in this way right now, that does not mean my life is at a halt - not at all. He wakes me up every day, He breathes life into my lungs every few seconds, He makes my heart beat an average of 86,400 beats a day - He is giving me life so that I can LIVE IT. So that is what I want to do - " carpe diem," they say. So yes, I will wait and as I wait, I will seize each and every day.

Plan...to be surprised

“I want to talk to you about the subject of plans… life plans and how we all make them, and how we hope that our kids make good, smart, safe plans of their own. But if we’re really honest with ourselves, most of our plans don’t work out as we’d hoped. So instead of asking our young people, ‘What are your plans? What do you plan to do with your life?’, maybe we should tell them this: Plan… to be surprised.” –Dan in Real Life

So this quote is from one of my favorite movies.  I make plans all the time, and in one sense that is ok and totally normal. If I don’t take the time to pray, discern and plan things, then my life wouldn’t move forward in a fruitful way.

What I like about this quote is that it reminds me that in the midst of all my planning, I shouldn’t forget that it’s likely that my plans will not turn out exactly the way I envision them.

After living in Haiti for almost 6 months now, I am more keenly aware of how when my plans start taking a u-turn I didn’t see coming, my first reaction is to…mildly freak out. I start wondering if I made a major mistake, if I am even capable of discernment or if I have just been wasting time because obviously things aren’t going according to plan…or are they? They might not be going according to my pretty-packaged-precise plan, BUT does my plan really take precedence? Does my plan surpass the story the Author of life is capable of writing? Well, when you put it that way – no. 

I know that his ways are above mine (Isaiah 55:8-9) and his plans for me far outweigh the goodness I could ever conjure up myself (Jeremiah 29:11).

I want to live in His freedom, trusting that he wants me to participate in His creative work, and trusting that as the main Artist, He is more than able to guide the strokes of my little paintbrush.

About two days ago, Loucie & Taina came over to the base. I wanted to include them in making a sign for our youth hang out spot. I really had a strong desire to have them participate and be invested in this, because I want them to feel like they are part of a family of faith. The made the sign pretty much by themselves. I just gave them some pointers. When Taina started mixing all the colors together with a little too much water I helped her out so it didn’t turn out like a puddle of brown water :) And in the end, the sign turned out awesome. I absolutely loved seeing them put all their effort and creativity into the art project. I loved encouraging them. I loved seeing their joy as they participated in this project with me. I loved seeing their creativity gush forth by just opening the door through a small invitation.

So I figure, if working with Loucie & Taina brought me so much joy, if having them participate with me in this creative work, how much more does the Lord delight in having us participate in His creative work – the story of our lives? Loucie & Taina trusted me when I gave them tips, they didn’t rebel and stick to a strict plan they envisioned. It was a collaborative work – and it was good.